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Self Love Blogs

11:11 Self Love Challenge

Each Self Love Challenge I offer brings great insight in many ways. I am grateful for all those who participate and share their own experience and responses to the challenge with me. It is so inspiring to hear such a range of answers from those who have engaged in it. I therefore decided to capture some of the emerging themes from the November 11:11 Self Love Challenge in this blog to share with the collective! The challenges (which I do too!), bring great shifts in people’s life, whether they are small or  life changing. I grow each time I do the challenges too.

Self what?

If you are new to the word ‘Self Love’ it can seem a bit strange – I recently had a stall at the Tree of Life Event in Birmingham and asked people as part of a competition, what does the word ‘Self Love’ mean to them? It stumbled a few people – we are not ‘taught’ to love ourselves are we? It is not part of the national curriculum in schools. We are not given a handbook of how to love ourselves – we learn this through life and our experiences. Sometimes we learn the hard way.

The journey of NOT loving ourselves (which is common!) comes to a point where we are faced with a brick wall  – a dead end and the only way to ‘break through’ that wall is to figure out why it is there! It is through slowly learning to re-connect with yourself. Learning to love yourself. Pulling one brick out of the wall and taking a good look at it; examining it. Why is it there? How did it come to be?  What purpose has it been serving? What is it blocking you from? Then after you figure this out  you remove it. Move on to the next brick and so forth.

Removing obstacles

The self love challenges help you to stop for a moment and reflect on YOU. To look at the bricks within yourself and in your life. This isn’t easy. It can be scary. You might find something you were not expecting to. Each and every one of us goes through ‘stuff’ that creates more bricks! That is life – whether it be work, family, close relationships or our inner demons. We can become so consumed in all this ‘stuff’, that we neglect ourselves and therefore the wall gets higher.

Self Love is removing the bricks that stop you from truly loving yourself.

So, Day One of the November 11:11 Challenge asked you to identify three changes you made in 2018 in order to improve your overall well-being.  If you are unsure how to practice Self Love, then this list (derived from some of your answers) should inspire you and get you thinking of how you too can develop your self love!

‘Taking time out for my hobbies’

‘Being honest with myself by acknowledging my true feelings’ 

‘Taking naps when I needed to rather than pushing myself to keep going’

‘Standing up to bulls**t’

‘Writing in my journal’ 

‘Being more positive and not bothering with things that I cannot change’

‘Stopping old patterns that got me nowhere’  

‘Not to dwell on the past’ 

‘To be more kind to myself’

‘Let things pass by and not clinging to ego, attachment and fear’ 

This list has touched on many aspects of Self Love such as taking time out for you whether it be to do a hobby or to rest. It shows a level of acceptance and honesty regarding your true feelings and circumstances. I absolutely agree that self love is having the courage to be honest with yourself, not to live in denial of your true feelings and desires. Self Love is easier when you give yourself the permission to be truthful…if not to anyone else, but at least to yourself. This is a start.

The list also shows prioritising yourself by being assertive, saying ‘no’ and setting boundaries in your relationships. This is an act of Self Love. Through this process you set your ‘standard’ of  ‘self worth’. The more you value yourself the less you will allow others to devalue you.

These changes made by you are to be celebrated. They take great courage and dedication!

I am sure that each and everyone of you reading this can identify with NOT doing some of the above, whether it is now or previously.

You are not alone!

Seeing other’s responses can open up a new way of thinking, sow seeds that you would never have thought of planting yourself.

How did you get on with Day Two which was about responding with love, rather than ‘reacting’? This can be really challenging right? It might feel really hard to respond to someone with love, if you feel they have ‘done you wrong’ and upset you in some way! The ego might be tempted to ‘react’ which actually is not self love, as ‘reacting’ can make us say and do things in an uncontrollable way, and that in reality dis-empowers you – are you with me?    Someone responded to this day of the challenge by writing;

‘I didn’t respond with love, more of understanding that it is that persons right to react in that way. I did not react and just accepted that is who they are’.

So you might not be in a place to respond with ‘love’, but by responding with ‘acceptance’, you are indirectly on some level responding with ‘unconditional love’;  accepting someone for who and how they are, including their flaws and behaviours. You don’t have to agree with these. You just accept them, then make a choice regarding how connected you wish to remain to that relationship. You can’t control others, but you can control how you respond to others. This is an act of Self Love – staying in your ‘power’. 

I can bet that everyone of us (that includes me) can relate to ‘reacting’ to people and situations at some point in our lives right?

The bricks of fear!

Moving forward to Day Seven lets have a quick look at fear, as quite frankly most likely there is not just one brick of fear is there? Most probably fear bricks exist in every single row of that wall, whether or not you are consciously aware of this or not. Day seven asked you to look at what stops you from being your true self and following your hearts true desire? What fears might be holding you back? 

Some of your answers;

‘Not being good enough’

‘Rejection’

‘The fear of success’

‘Not believing in myself’ 

‘Maybe believing that ‘it’ really is not possible?’

‘Putting myself in the limelight’

‘No one will support me or see my vision’

‘Scared of making the wrong choice’ 

‘Feel the fear and do it anyway!’ – Susan Jeffers

I grew up being inspired by Susan Jeffers books in my twenties and this one quote has always stayed with me. The thing is, fear is a natural emotion. It will always reside in us. Sometimes it  may be dormant and at other times screaming for your attention and causing chaos. As cliche as it may sound the only way to reduce or combat fear is by coming face to face with it. Take off that fear brick and look at it close up. What is it actually scared of? Failing, succeeding, loving, getting hurt, judgement?

I can assure you that most likely whatever it is scared of is actually not as bad as you anticipate it to be! Fear has the ability to magnify emotions in our mind; making them way worse than they actually are! It’s kind of delusional! It’s the ego just having a field day. Don’t entertain it!

So whatever you identify as your fear bricks – have a think, how likely is the worst case scenario? If in the slimmest chance that did happen, you will be able to deal with it won’t you? You will survive – you will find a way. Don’t allow the fear bricks to stop you from being you and loving you. Stop this today, right now. 

One of the big lessons in my personal Self Love journey over the last few years has been from a place of fear finding a place of love. This of course has not been easy, but it has been life changing and liberating and I know you too can find a way to choose love and self love over fear.

How to love yourself more in 2019

With all this in mind, how are you going to ensure you start to love yourself more next year? Here is what others who engaged in this challenge said;

‘Check in with myself’ on a regular basis’ 

‘Set date nights’ (With myself!)

‘Plan time for me, in advance’

‘Treat myself from time to time’

‘Say no, when I mean no, rather than saying yes’

‘Value myself and if something does not feel right, let it go’

‘Be more creative and do things I enjoy’

‘Self praise-15 minutes a day’

‘Accept compliments’

‘One day a month book a holistic treatment for pampering’

‘Start to take at least ten minutes out a day to meditate, or be ‘still’. 

‘Connect with like-minded friends’

‘Spend more time alone, get to know me again’

‘Recreate me – find me again’ 

‘Talk to someone, rather than allowing feelings to build up inside’ 

‘Write down what I am grateful for at the end of each day’

Now, pick three of the above that you will like to introduce or add to your life next year. How can you incorporate those into the new year? Make a plan.

Scratching the surface 

There are so many concepts that came out of this November 11:11 Self Love Challenge – I have only touched upon some of these briefly in this blog and aim to cover more in forthcoming blogs.  I have had feedback that this particular challenge felt very powerful in many ways for people. When we start to learn how to love ourselves, we open doors, we strip layers, we unravel our true selves as we embark on the journey ‘within’, and it is from within that we grow in order to then glow! Self Love reflects inside out! It creates limitless opportunities.

To sum up, I’d like to leave you with this quote by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

‘People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.’

Love yourself, connect to the light within you. Allow it to shine through you.

You are limitless, remember that.

Love, Sukhi 🙂

Categories
Self Help Blogs

When the Past Resurfaces!

So, I woke up this morning feeling that I need to write and share a message… So here goes, I’m ready with my coffee at 08:20am on Saturday morning before I begin my day!

What lead me to write today?

Oh my! The energy shifts! My own recent experience of what I would define as ’emotional turmoil’ – the ‘head versus heart’ conflict. Another layer of the past resurfacing as it needs ‘looking at’. People reaching out to me who have been feeling the same! Something in the ‘collective air?’

The Resurfacing Past

We have a choice  don’t we when the past comes knocking on our door? We can ignore it and pretend it is not there or we can open the door ‘wide open’  and let the past enter our present world and uncontrollably cause havoc or we can slowly open the door, pop our head through and ask ‘What do you want this time?’

What’s normally your approach? Can you resonate with this?

Many Shapes and Forms

The past can reappear in many ways! It can be subtle or it can come with a bang and knock you off your feet! It might be an actual person who comes back or someone who reminds you of them. It may be a similar situation presenting itself now which triggers memories of an unpleasant time. It could be the temptation to step into another unhealthy self sabotaging cycle, that you worked so hard to free yourself from – This is a test! 

It could be a song, a smell or something someone says and before you know it you hear the knock on the door again!

Unrelated and Irrational

What if you’re just getting on with life as you normally do, you’re quite content and happy – you do a lot of self care and are usually really good at looking after yourself- but somethings happened causing you to feel off balance. You’re faced with a gush of emotions that seem totally unrelated to your present circumstances but no matter how much self care you put in place the feelings just aren’t shifting!!! 

This week I’ve had many people reach out to me who could relate to the above – including myself.

Allow  the Residue

When we are ready to face another layer or  aspect of healing, the past can often re-appear and although this can feel really really shitty and it’s tempting to stick that padlock on the door and throw away the key, letting your past revisit and seeing what it wants is the only way forward!

There might be a little bit of residue that needs to be released and by ‘allowing’ this to work it’s way through you, you will free yourself from it, otherwise it will just stand on the other side of the door, knocking… knocking… and knocking.

This is not like me!

The past might make you feel as if you are someone else. Remember your past does not define you! You may feel out of character. Remember this ‘was’ an aspect of you, IT IS NOT YOU NOW.

Your past wants you to let go of it now, it does not want to be locked on the other side of the door. It  does not want to be a prisoner, it wants to be free. It does not want you do be scared of it, it wants you to learn why it happened. It does not want you to avoid it, it wants you to embrace it and integrate it’s lessons into your ‘present’.

Trust your Past

When your past reappears trust it is with a very good reason – A lesson, a reminder of how much you have actually grown, a test to see how much you will love yourself NOW not to repeat something unhealthy, an opportunity to do it differently this time and many many more reasons!

Your past may want you to let go of all the pain you have been holding on to. Emotions that did not feel safe at the time to release, but now you are READY and you are SAFE and you CAN DO IT!

Trust in the timing of your past showing up again!

Up your Self Care

At a time like this, up your self care. Put yourself first. Be kind to yourself. Make yourself the priority. Cry, scream, go for a walk, talk to someone, have an early night, meditate, say no to others, write, draw, do whatever it is your heart and soul are guiding you to do!

I spent more time on my own, and querying why the past was coming up for me now? What do I need to let go off? Why do I feel closed off, is it fear, doubt or is it intuition? But if you have to ask if it is intuition, then it clearly isn’t. When it is intuition – YOU JUST KNOW – you don’t need to ask. 

So I knew it was the ‘mind’, controlling the ‘heart’ and I needed to find a way to hear the mind without it controlling me and learn to tame it.  I needed to find my heart again which due to the domination of the mind had ran into hiding! Yes sometimes our heart abandons us, but take this as a BIG CLUE that it needs you to do some healing work!

You Already Know The Answers

The truth is, all the answers we need are already inside of us. They are not ‘out there’, although reaching out to people and talking can help tremendously and we often need to do this, however only you in your heart know what is really going on inside.

Others can guide us, but only we can make the changes in our lives.

Only YOU can put into ACTION what you truly want from life. Only YOU can face those ‘demons’ from the past right? The key is ‘tuning in’.

HOW TO TUNE IN – Something to try!

Get three pieces of paper and write on each of those one of these headings.

What is my mind saying to me?

What is my heart feeling? What does my heart want?

What is my soul guiding me to do? What is my soul trying to say to me?

Then write….

Don’t think…

Just write…

Even if it doesn’t make sense … Carry on!

Keep writing…

Allow the emotions that may want to accompany you during this process…allow them to come and go! Keep writing.

You will know when you have written enough for each section. You don’t have to do it all in one go. Spread it out over a few days if you want. Whatever feels right.

Gain Insight

Once you have completed this, you have a choice to (you don’t have to) look back at what you have written. If you don’t feel the need to do this, then that’s OK – You may have already gained insight through the writing process, something may have already shifted for you – it did for me!

If you do choose to read what you’ve written then what do you see? Reflect – is there a pattern? Did you have an ‘aha’ moment? Were there surprises?  What insight have you gained? What new information did you learn about yourself? What are you going to do differently now?

Detangle 

Doing such exercises can help you to distinguish between your thoughts and feelings and between your fears and your true desires. It can help you to highlight and resolve conflict between the head and the heart.

Remember, in the end it’s all good!

Sometimes you have to ‘break-down’ in order to ‘break-through!

Sometimes all the shit needs to come to the surface in order for you to create space for fresh new goodness.

Sometimes you need to face your shadows in order to find the light within you. The more shadows you face, the more light you will find. The more light you find, the better you will feel.

Sometimes you need to face your past (again!), in order to unlock something in the present moment that will then open doors to a brighter future!

You are Limitless

I hope you enjoyed this blog and that it helped in some way. You have the strength and ability to deal with anything. You are limitless, remember that!

Take Care

Sukhi 🙂

 

 

 

Categories
Self Love Blogs

Reflections on Self Love

You have now completed your first 7  Days of the Self Love Challenge – 14 more days to go! 

Spread the LOVE

The last 7 days has involved a wonderful flow and exchange of energy amongst everyone who has taken part in the challenge and  who have also shared this challenge with their friends and family. In doing so you have put SELF LOVE on their agenda, bringing it to the forefront of their minds, bringing them back to themselves which is so so important – Thank you for spreading the love. 

Time to PONDER

I wanted to just share some thoughts and reflections about SELF LOVE, before we head into the second week of the challenge. 

I am offering these to you just to ponder and reflect one, perhaps discuss with others if you like, comment below or just take away for yourself. 

No Time Like The Present

Self Love may come easily to you or actually it may be a real struggle. This depends on where you are at in your personal journey at this time of your life. Wherever that might be NOW is the perfect opportunity for you to STOP and REFLECT about where you want to be. 

Facing the BLOCKS

There were moments and periods of  my life where I would have rated myself fairly low on the Self Love Scale (Day 2 of the challenge). During some of these periods of my life facing low self esteem and low confidence would not have allowed much space for self love. The self doubt was a huge block acting as a brick wall at times. When we live for others and get caught up in what is expected from us whether it be friends, family, spouses, media or society we begin to disconnect from our True Self. When we look for reassurance and validation from others, we demonstrate a lack of self love. 

Become ‘THE ONE’ for YOU

Developing your Self Love, means validating yourself, believing in yourself, approving of yourself, accepting yourself – Become your own best friend.  

Don’t Allow Others to DEFINE YOU

It also means letting go of the worry of what others might think of you and your decisions – after all it is YOU who is living YOUR life and YOU have every right to live YOUR life how YOU want to! 

Allow your Self Love to GROW

Never would have I had imagined (in some past moments) that now in THIS MOMENT I would rate myself quite high on the Self Love Scale, and there is no shame in saying so either. Quite often we are lead to believe it is not ok to own our abilities,  own our power, our beauty, potential, talents and anything else positive. People tend to talk about their flaws much easier than the good stuff about them!  

Create solid FOUNDATIONS

In prioritising yourself does not mean you are neglecting others, it does not mean you are selfish… or ‘bragging’,  nor does it mean you only care about yourself! SELF LOVE LAYS SOLID FOUNDATIONS FOR EVERYTHING ELSE YOU DO.  It is the platform on which you base your life, your relationships, your job and so forth.

The more you love yourself, the more you will allow love into your life and the more you will be able to love others.  

Viscous Cycles – Going ROUND and ROUND 

If you don’t love and value yourselves, you will accept others who don’t really love and value you either. You may put up with crap, that you know is not right, but as you don’t value yourself on some level you will allow this behaviour to continue.

This is also true when it comes to your relationship with yourself. You may continue going round and round in unhealthy self sabotaging cycles until you raise your self love. We can get caught up in such cycles to fill something within us, which reminds me of this Blog I wrote last year.

Pour Self Love in you

When you start to prioritise Self Love you begin to move away from self doubt, self criticism, self punishment and all these lower vibrating feelings. 

Raise your vibration by developing your SELF LOVE – have you noticed already as you have been a part of the Self Love Challenge that you have experienced a shift, even if it has been a tiny one? It may be in how you feel from within, or how you see others?

Comment below if you would like to share any of your thoughts, revelations or Self Love tips!

Love and Light to you all as we embark onto the next 14 days of the Self Love Challenge

Continue to sprinkle self love,  kindness, joy, compassion on yourself and notice how this spreads around you. 

Sukhi 🙂 

 

 

Categories
Self Love Blogs

Your Self Love Challenge Responses!

Day 1 – How do you define SELF LOVE? 

SOME OF YOUR ANSWERS FROM SOCIAL MEDIA:

Knowing who you are and your values

The ability to accept the different aspects of yourself

Knowing and loving your talents

Accepting your flaws

Not being dependant on social affirmations

Accepting both sides of me, dark sides and good sides

Listening to the inner voice

Working on your higher self and not your lower self 

 

What a great start to the challenge, with some really insightful answers – Want to share how you define self love – leave a comment below!

Day 5 – Show yourself some kindness today. 

SOME OF YOUR ANSWERS FROM SOCIAL MEDIA:

 

‘I had a coffee in complete silence today, sat quietly – enjoying my time before work’

A bubble bath!

Starting the day with meditation 

A new hair do

A pampering evening 

Curling up on the sofa, with a film and a lovely hot tea

 

 

Categories
Self Love Blogs

Almost Half Way There!

2018 – Mid Way Point Check In!

Wow! TIME, such a variable concept!  Sometimes it flies, sometimes it drags, sometimes you want it to stop in the moment you are in and at other times you want to rewind it back.

Maybe you want to escape your present moment and fast forward to the future. Sometimes you look back at a far gone memory as if it was only yesterday, so it feels like no time has actually passed!

We are now approaching the half way point of 2018What’s it been like for you so far?

How many New Year Resolutions have you kept? – Were you full of motivation at the beginning of the year and has this  faded away now? Or have you exceeded your expectations? 

Did you take part in the 21 Day Self Love Challenge in January? Have you been able to maintain this throughout the year?  What is your level of Self Love now, compared to January? 

NOW is a good chance to Check In with yourself and review where you are at. What has gone well? What changes have you made for your best interest? Have you come across other things you were not expecting to? Maybe new opportunities have crossed your path? Did you embrace these or turn them away? What was behind your decisions?  How is your health? Have you been taking care of yourself holistically; Mind, Body and Soul? 

Moving Forward, what do you feel you need to change, maintain or let go off? What do you want more of in your life? What steps do you need to take in order to achieve this? Do you need to make an action plan? This previous blog post might help to inspire you; Simple Ways to Create More Happiness. 

Celebrate what has gone well – This is important, as quite often we reflect on what we have NOT done opposed to what we HAVE done. Think about all the stuff that has gone well and all the situations you have dealt with in a positive way – those moments that gave you joy and the times you allowed yourself to feel free and go with the flow of life rather than worrying about things not in your control. 

Transition – I always say change is one constant factor in our lives. We always face change, whether it is planned or unexpected, whether you resist it or not CHANGE HAPPENS . Having gone through so many changes this past year myself (and still in transition), what has ‘anchored’ me during this time is to tune into myself, connect with my inner spirit and use my intuition to guide me to make decisions best for me. 

Your Inner Spirit – How to connect with it?  There are many ways to do this. I like to journal, meditate and reflect. I love to spend some time in solitude (which admittedly I have done less of the last 2 months due to changes  – but I have been craving it and WILL create more time for it now!)

Other ways to connect to your inner spirit, might be to go out in nature, do yoga, just ‘sitting with yourself’, taking time out for relaxing activities, being creative and doing things because you enjoy them, not because you have to do them!

Take time out for you!

‘Listen to your own voice, your own soul. Too many people listen to the noise of the world, instead of themselves’ (Leon Brown)

 

The more you connect with your inner spirit, the more in line you will become with your true self and your intuition will be enhanced. The key is to learn to TRUST it. 

So are you ready? Ready to take a bit of time out to do a 2018 Mid Way Point Check in!

Don’t get lost in everyday worries – take this time out to imagine and create the second half of your year. 

Love and Light

Sukhi 

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Testimonials

REIKI – Testimonials

Reiki is unique to the person receiving it. Everyone’s experience is different. It’s best to have an open mind and no expectations.

If you’d like to share your experience of Reiki please comment in the box below.

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