So one month ago, I had the honour to sit and speak with James and Marlon from Talking Wellbeing about Self Love. The podcast unfortunately is no longer available on you tube due to a change of management at Talking Wellbeing, however this was my first podcast discussion and I admittedly was quite nervous! There was something about the discussion being recorded, that gave me a bit of ‘stage fright’… (and it was not even live!). All this knowledge, wisdom, experience that I know I have within me and is part of my daily life, (both personally and professionally)… just disappeared and I went BLANK!! I was like ‘I can’t do this!’ – It took three attempts to start the podcast, because as soon the record button was pressed, I froze and didn’t know what to say!
Take a deep breath, focus on the task!
So, I refocused and James said ‘It’s not live Sukhi’ – this put me at ease and something shifted. I somehow got over it! I was able to engage in a natural conversation with these two lovely inspirational guys! I think this is a really important point to mention. We all at times feel fear, get nervous and feel anxious – it is normal. What matters is how we cope with and manage such feelings. Do we let them get in the way or do we carry on? This can be applied to any situation or dilemma you may be faced with. Do you face it, despite the nerves, anxieties, doubts or do you dodge it, run and bury your head in the sand?
In this Podcast James, Marlon and I explored Self Love from different angles (as the topic is so huge!), including the things that stop us from loving ourselves! Similarly, Self Love can be embraced or it can dodged!
As above so below
Self love flows and deepens – you just need to get started! The infinity symbol, which is my chosen logo for Enlight, is similar to the number 8. Both hold similar meanings; limitlessness and being in an endless, constant flow. The 8 in numerology is about re-evaluation, which is about experiencing, learning and growing … to which there is no end point!
So whatever you experience when you are ‘down’ – in the midst of life’s struggles, in the pit, in the darkness – serves as an opportunity to learn life lessons. This then gives you (if you allow it!) an opportunity to grow by embracing the newness and applying the greater understanding that you have acquired to your life. So, as you pick yourself back up, from the pit and as you continue on your journey, you take your lessons with you and if you decide to apply them to your life (as it is a choice), then you welcome change, you begin to break non-serving cycles, you open yourself up to more… … anything and everything – limitless remember?
Self Love is the journey within
Getting to know yourself, your ‘true self’ is an enlightening process. It’s like meeting yourself, and learning about yourself… about the REAL YOU and building a relationship with yourself!
This can feel hard for some, maybe even many, because the truth is, so many people have become disconnected from their true selves and all this talk about ‘self love’ can trigger fear, uncertainty and even make you cringe; self love can be seen as a bit ‘airy fairy’ and many dismiss it!
Marlon summed self love up, really well – he said;
“Self Love is difficult to accomplish, if you have been through a lot, but it is very do-able. You have to start within to find self love. You can’t have self love from any external sources”
Absolutely spot on.
Why do we need Self Love?
So, James asked me why is Self Love Important? How do I explain this in a nutshell? It is SO important in many ways! Hmm …. OK, first of all what is Self Love? What does it mean? We need to understand this first. The concept has somewhat become fashionable and is widely used in the media. So if you’re reading this Ask yourself… What does Self Love mean to me?
It can mean different things to different people. Why? Because we are unique, with unique life experiences, we have different upbringings, backgrounds and life experiences. However the basic components of Self Love, in my opinion, are the same for everyone. “Self Love is the ability to love yourself, understand yourself and it is being comfortable with who you truly are”. These are the words that rolled of my tongue and can you see that this applies to anyone and everyone?
Different, but the same?
We may have different experiences, but we all feel the same emotions (or very similar). We all have, experienced sadness, doubt, anger, grief, disappointment, confusion, jealousy….. right? So how does Self Love fit in here? There is a misconception of Self Love being a state of feeling wonderful and blissful all the time. Nope, that’s not true. Self Love actually is accepting yourself, just where you are, and this very much so includes those parts, you’d rather deny, not face and want to run from. Self Love is embracing not just the good, but the dark and ugly too! Whoa, that feels like hard work! It can be. Self love can be hard, but it is worth it! It has so many benefits.
You don’t know what you don’t know
Self awareness is key! James asked for practical tips of how to go ‘within’. Good question. This can feel really alien to people as ‘going within’ could just be so out the norm for some people.
Before you know what you need to be ‘working on’, you need to know that it’s currently not working. The only way to know that is, is to be aware of it. Sounds obvious, but it’s not really. We don’t know what is going on in our subconscious mind, until we stop to explore it!
Self awareness can be increased by using many techniques. In the discussion, we mainly talked about reflection. Ask yourself… do I reflect? Do I want to reflect more? How do I reflect?
Spending time on your own, being in nature, writing and journalling, meditating are all ways in which you can find and create time to reflect. This will enable you to discover what is going on inside you, how you are truly feeling, is there any conflict?
Once you become aware, then you can make a conscious decision about what you want to work on, which issue? which problem? which conflict?
Self love is prioritising time for yourself, pre-schedule it in your diary, don’t just squeeze it in here and there, make it a commitment.
We discussed Self Love from so many different angles and it really was an interesting, thought provoking conversation. Hope you enjoyed this read. Please share with anyone who could do with hearing the message around Self Love.