Being Single Again
Earlier this week a friend reached out to me, who is struggling to come to terms with the recent loss of a long term relationship. She asked what does she need to do in order to be happy on her own? Her focus seems to have been around attracting a relationship, rather than being on her own.
She needs to develop her SELF LOVE
No relationship with another is the answer to true happiness. This comes from feeling content and happy from within ourselves. Hoping a relationship will fill a ‘void’, is not the answer. Learning to build a meaningful relationship with yourself is.
If you missed my 21 Day Self Love Challenge, feel free to check it out, to help you with ways to develop your Self Love, connect with your passions and find inner happiness.
Self Love is not feeling amazing all the time!
This week I posted on Instagram that Self Love is about accepting yourself, where you are in that given moment. So it is about being kind to yourself. If you feel sad, or down Self Love is about being compassionate to yourself – not being hard on yourself. It is about allowing yourself ‘JUST TO BE’.
Do you allow yourself ‘Just to be’?
When I asked this question on Instagram, I was surprised to find, that 53% of people said that they don’t! One comment I received was that by allowing yourself to just be, you end up hurting others.
Do you also feel this? 64% people agreed that upsetting others stops them from being themselves.
Questions to consider
If you believe that being yourself means upsetting others, ask yourself is this your perception? Are you making an assumption or pre-judging? How do you know that you will upset someone? What evidence is there?
If you find it is true that you being you means upsetting others, then wonder about ‘acceptance’ – one key factor that underpins healthy relationships. Are others not accepting you? Are others not allowing you to be?
Or are you feeling responsible for others feelings? So, if someone did feel upset by you being authentic then are they not responsible for their own feelings? Not you?
These might feel like challenging questions, so do take care when reflecting on them.
THIS WEEKS CHALLENGE – Be Bold, Be Brave Enough to Be Your True Self – Queen Latifah
Become aware everyday this week about how you are, how you behave, how you respond – Notice if you are being yourself. Are you really saying what you truly feel or think?
Notice how much time are you spending doing things for other people, or being in situations you don’t really want to be in. Of course, we will always be in these situations, however I want you to notice how often you are in such situations compared to those that you truly do want to be in.
Is there a balance? Are you doing more of what you don’t want, than what you do want? If you are doing more of what you do want, then that is great! You are demonstrating that you are taking your needs into account and finding a way to priortise them. This is Self Love.
If you are not doing this, then imagine what it might feel like to be able to be more of your true self and to show other people this too. Imagine how you might feel if you allowed yourself to express what you truly want to, rather than hiding it?
Pay attention to what stops you from allowing yourself from being you? Is it other people, or is it you? Is there such a thing as others stopping us, or is it more that we allow others to?
* Please note that I am not referring to relationships where there is domestic abuse. If you need further advice on this please call this helpline.
Raising our self awareness gives us the power to make changes
This weeks challenge is to just raise your self awareness, notice and become more conscious of the things you might usually do by default.
Until next week, take care and remember that once we become aware, we then begin to see things as they are, and we can then make a choice to change things…if we want to.
Bye for now!